when community fails
I began a ladies Bible study last week. Before walking into the room I made some hard core efforts to let go of my expectations, but then that all hit the fan. I let out a gruff attempt at something I hoped to sound like laughter when I looked down at my booklet smothered in images of smiling women. Smiling and laughing women looking like life is grand and great. The title for the next nine weeks: "Community". That dialog in my head with God dramatically and instantly changed... with me throwing my supposedly abandoned expectations back at Him. It went something like this, "Really. Can't we just leave well enough alone? Even here in this new place where most likely none of these innocent women can possibly even want to relate to my contorted version of reality... we can't just let this die already?".
Guys. I am positive I have written on community before. I know that I have thought and talked and talked and talked about it throughout the past few years. But my thoughts / ideas / conversations regarding community have not generally been filled with women laughing and smiling together. Its been more of a lament. Maybe even more like Statler and Waldorf on the Muppet Show. Y'all know the two old men sitting up in the balcony making fun of the show? Yeahhhhhhh, that might be more of my stance on community of late.
Waldorf: That show was great!
Statler: Really?
Waldorf: Yeah, great at being terrible!
Both: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I guess before I go on I need to admit a few things: I have an amazing family. God has provided our amazing family with an intricately woven together partnership team that pray and encourage and give and support and recklessly love us as a family and as individuals. I also have a phenomenal, though be it very select, tribe of women I call community. I love them fiercely and they love me despite how human I am. They are my amazing community. But community is more than family, praying and giving friends, supporting churches and close friends. Community is more than just the people you like. Community is more than the people you love.
I have also seen community survive hard and horrible things. Actually, that is when I have seen the very best of community. When tragedy threatens to overwhelm all aspects of life, community steps up to the plate and gives hope and love, hot meals, hugs, prayers and sacrifices self for the benefit of others despite prejudices, culture or circumstances. Despite all the brokenness and sinfulness, community can be an amazing thing to be a part of, a fantastic thing to watch and a glorious glimpse of God's plan for His people.
Yet as much as I have seen and known and experienced community in these God honoring ways; community has hurt me. It is within Christian community that I have experienced and witnessed life altering slander and gossip mascarading as prayer requests. I have known and watched interpersonal conflict. Time and time again. More often than not, conflicts that have remained unresolved. I have been on the losing side of misplaced loyalties, far too often from those in authority. I have witnessed community attempt to hide "excusable" sins by ignoring them or brushing things under rugs and seen it labeled as -nauseating-"grace". I have been bullied (and I am sure I have bullied others). I have been manipulated (and I am sure I have also manipulated others). Broken community damages, distorts, and destroys. Sadly often times in ways that seem beyond repair. (But Jesus. We are not without hope.) Broken community isolates and divides. Broken community takes sides. It burdens and then breaks backs and then knocks out tired knees from under worn out legs. It tells lies, bold faced ones and tiny white ones and everything in between, in fear of the hard work of honesty and sorrowfully in the name of getting the job done.
As I worked my way across the looming room full to the brim of what could potentially be community, I told myself I didn't have to stay. It's crowded and would be easy enough to slip out without being noticed or questioned. To be all the way honest as we began conversation in our small group I even said it aloud to those innocent strangers: "If I would have known what we were studying, I probably wouldn't have come." (Hey, hey there Sara! Way to be brutally honest and overshare to make others extremely uncomfortable. Again. *facepalm*) However, as the evening progressed I realized that in all my thoughts and emotions and rants on community over the recent years I had to admit something to myself. My prideful "I am an expert on how community fails" self had to face the fact that my self-proclaimed "expertise" has never intentionally sought to understand the Biblical truths of community. And so when my turn came around that table to share what my hopes were for these upcoming nine weeks my jumbled words quickly turned to a broken voice and then hot tears. (Those poor women.)
Community can fail. My guess is it usually does. But God doesn't fail. His design for community is the church. And in all our sinfulness we have epically screwed things up. In America. In Christian community. On the mission field. Everywhere there are people, community will fail.
So why do we bother then? Cause community is by God's design.
"Then God said, 'Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us.' " Genesis 1:26 NLT
"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.' " Genesis 2:18 NLT
"God is a communal God. Humans are made to be communal as a reflection of who He is." (Community week one, day two "Why Community")
So we bother with community because God says so, that's why. Community is His design. It is how we are created. Even when the stench of our sinfulness gets in the way, He is greater. God trumps all. It's because I trust Him that I am excitedly (aka more-like-scared-out-of-my-mind) ready to purposefully seek out what Biblical community should and can be.
I guess what I am choosing is to refuse to be a victim of my past (and future) ugly community. I'm exhausted at the idea of remaining that grumpy heckler from the balcony. It's time for a shift. A shift that begins with forgiveness. And then continues to forgive. A shift that looks out to what God's plan for community is and introspectively at how I have participated in the brokenness of community. A shift to find what it is that needs to change in me to attempt to impact my strangely contorted version of reality.
"Christ's love controls us. So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view."
2 Corinthians 5:14, 16 NLT
(Now cue the Whitney Houston song, 'So Emotional'... "aint it shocking what love can do? aint it shocking what love can do? aint it shocking what love can do?")
Guys. I am positive I have written on community before. I know that I have thought and talked and talked and talked about it throughout the past few years. But my thoughts / ideas / conversations regarding community have not generally been filled with women laughing and smiling together. Its been more of a lament. Maybe even more like Statler and Waldorf on the Muppet Show. Y'all know the two old men sitting up in the balcony making fun of the show? Yeahhhhhhh, that might be more of my stance on community of late.
Waldorf: That show was great!
Statler: Really?
Waldorf: Yeah, great at being terrible!
Both: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I guess before I go on I need to admit a few things: I have an amazing family. God has provided our amazing family with an intricately woven together partnership team that pray and encourage and give and support and recklessly love us as a family and as individuals. I also have a phenomenal, though be it very select, tribe of women I call community. I love them fiercely and they love me despite how human I am. They are my amazing community. But community is more than family, praying and giving friends, supporting churches and close friends. Community is more than just the people you like. Community is more than the people you love.
I have also seen community survive hard and horrible things. Actually, that is when I have seen the very best of community. When tragedy threatens to overwhelm all aspects of life, community steps up to the plate and gives hope and love, hot meals, hugs, prayers and sacrifices self for the benefit of others despite prejudices, culture or circumstances. Despite all the brokenness and sinfulness, community can be an amazing thing to be a part of, a fantastic thing to watch and a glorious glimpse of God's plan for His people.
Yet as much as I have seen and known and experienced community in these God honoring ways; community has hurt me. It is within Christian community that I have experienced and witnessed life altering slander and gossip mascarading as prayer requests. I have known and watched interpersonal conflict. Time and time again. More often than not, conflicts that have remained unresolved. I have been on the losing side of misplaced loyalties, far too often from those in authority. I have witnessed community attempt to hide "excusable" sins by ignoring them or brushing things under rugs and seen it labeled as -nauseating-"grace". I have been bullied (and I am sure I have bullied others). I have been manipulated (and I am sure I have also manipulated others). Broken community damages, distorts, and destroys. Sadly often times in ways that seem beyond repair. (But Jesus. We are not without hope.) Broken community isolates and divides. Broken community takes sides. It burdens and then breaks backs and then knocks out tired knees from under worn out legs. It tells lies, bold faced ones and tiny white ones and everything in between, in fear of the hard work of honesty and sorrowfully in the name of getting the job done.
As I worked my way across the looming room full to the brim of what could potentially be community, I told myself I didn't have to stay. It's crowded and would be easy enough to slip out without being noticed or questioned. To be all the way honest as we began conversation in our small group I even said it aloud to those innocent strangers: "If I would have known what we were studying, I probably wouldn't have come." (Hey, hey there Sara! Way to be brutally honest and overshare to make others extremely uncomfortable. Again. *facepalm*) However, as the evening progressed I realized that in all my thoughts and emotions and rants on community over the recent years I had to admit something to myself. My prideful "I am an expert on how community fails" self had to face the fact that my self-proclaimed "expertise" has never intentionally sought to understand the Biblical truths of community. And so when my turn came around that table to share what my hopes were for these upcoming nine weeks my jumbled words quickly turned to a broken voice and then hot tears. (Those poor women.)
Community can fail. My guess is it usually does. But God doesn't fail. His design for community is the church. And in all our sinfulness we have epically screwed things up. In America. In Christian community. On the mission field. Everywhere there are people, community will fail.
So why do we bother then? Cause community is by God's design.
"Then God said, 'Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us.' " Genesis 1:26 NLT
"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.' " Genesis 2:18 NLT
"God is a communal God. Humans are made to be communal as a reflection of who He is." (Community week one, day two "Why Community")
So we bother with community because God says so, that's why. Community is His design. It is how we are created. Even when the stench of our sinfulness gets in the way, He is greater. God trumps all. It's because I trust Him that I am excitedly (aka more-like-scared-out-of-my-mind) ready to purposefully seek out what Biblical community should and can be.
I guess what I am choosing is to refuse to be a victim of my past (and future) ugly community. I'm exhausted at the idea of remaining that grumpy heckler from the balcony. It's time for a shift. A shift that begins with forgiveness. And then continues to forgive. A shift that looks out to what God's plan for community is and introspectively at how I have participated in the brokenness of community. A shift to find what it is that needs to change in me to attempt to impact my strangely contorted version of reality.
"Christ's love controls us. So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view."
2 Corinthians 5:14, 16 NLT
(Now cue the Whitney Houston song, 'So Emotional'... "aint it shocking what love can do? aint it shocking what love can do? aint it shocking what love can do?")
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