the why behind it all
"We cannot ignore the fact that for those who grow up as TCKs, their lives are filled with chronic cycles of separation and loss. Obviously, such cycles are part of the experience for everyone. But for the globally mobile, the cycles are chronic and often relatively sudden and severe. They not only lose a friend here and there, they lose a whole world along with those they love." Lois Bushong
Someone brilliant that I love and who is walking a similar life journey told me the other day after listening to my ridiculous rant about not wanting to cook dinner that I was experiencing grief. FYI, I love it when the Lord speaks so directly to my heart through others cause quite honestly it frequently takes some sort of blunt force trauma to awaken me to the reality behind my emotions.
Heck ya, I am grieving. And by all means now that I know it, I am totally acknowledging it.
Please divert your eyes - now - if you are offended by coarse language... It sucks to love people all over the world. Cause you can only be in one place at a time. And for this mom, it sucks to know that in less than one year two of my baby girls will be thousands and thousands and thousands of miles away from my arms for THREE years. Yup. Sucks.
But that isn't what I want to write about. I want to write about the why behind it all. Cause this isn't random stuff that is just happening in my life. Marty and I have chosen this way of life. And quite honestly we have been confronted with this choice.
I mean, REALLY, if it is so hard why choose something that hurts so bad?
Well, I am a simple minded girl so my answer is pretty clear...
"We do not live for ourselves or die for ourselves. If we live, it's to honor the Lord. And if we die, it's to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. Christ died and rose again for this very purpose" Romans 14:7-8 NLT
"You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NLT
We chose this life cause this life we live isn't about us. It's about Him. It's about knowing what He has done for us and being so completely overtaken by Him and by His love that we have to share it. Disobedience to His calling on our lives is simply not a choice.
It just so happens that the people I am meant to share Him with are on the other side of the world.
This year while we are at home in America our oldest two (at home) are attending a fabulous Christian school. It just so happens, however, that this fabulous Christian school is a bazillion miles from our house. Ok, so only 18 miles one way, but whatever... This means that every school day I am spending a grand total of four or more hours in the car taking them back and forth to school. And I hate, disgust, dislike, loathe, detest, despise, ABHOR driving in a car. Ha ha, it must be some sort of unresolved grief from my childhood years where I spent all that time in a car while my parents were PDing it (partnership development). (Just kidding, mom and dad, I am not damaged by my upbringing. Promise!) Even though I hate driving in a car I do it. Because investing in my kids’ lives, futures and education is worth it. I do it cause I love them. They are a worthwhile investment.
See the mild parallel there?
Until this point in my life I have never ever really at a gut level understood this verse from Luke 14:26, "If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple."
I didn't get it. Until now.
Jesus doesn't ask us for a watered down faith. He paints a radical picture of what true discipleship means. He must come first. It's not about me. It's not even about my kids. Or my mom. It's about Him.
And so I'll trudge on through my grief. Acknowledging it. Sometimes even losing control and ranting and raving about it to friends. I'll pray through it, and I'll sob in the shower. I might even have days where I play far too much Candy Crush and watch stupid YouTube videos for hours on end. But ultimately I will continue to find my solace in Him through His Word, and He will bring healing to my hurt. And I will love Him even more. And because I love Him, I will follow His leading on my life because I belong to Him.
And that, my friend, that’s the why behind it all.
Someone brilliant that I love and who is walking a similar life journey told me the other day after listening to my ridiculous rant about not wanting to cook dinner that I was experiencing grief. FYI, I love it when the Lord speaks so directly to my heart through others cause quite honestly it frequently takes some sort of blunt force trauma to awaken me to the reality behind my emotions.
Heck ya, I am grieving. And by all means now that I know it, I am totally acknowledging it.
Please divert your eyes - now - if you are offended by coarse language... It sucks to love people all over the world. Cause you can only be in one place at a time. And for this mom, it sucks to know that in less than one year two of my baby girls will be thousands and thousands and thousands of miles away from my arms for THREE years. Yup. Sucks.
But that isn't what I want to write about. I want to write about the why behind it all. Cause this isn't random stuff that is just happening in my life. Marty and I have chosen this way of life. And quite honestly we have been confronted with this choice.
I mean, REALLY, if it is so hard why choose something that hurts so bad?
Well, I am a simple minded girl so my answer is pretty clear...
"We do not live for ourselves or die for ourselves. If we live, it's to honor the Lord. And if we die, it's to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. Christ died and rose again for this very purpose" Romans 14:7-8 NLT
"You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NLT
We chose this life cause this life we live isn't about us. It's about Him. It's about knowing what He has done for us and being so completely overtaken by Him and by His love that we have to share it. Disobedience to His calling on our lives is simply not a choice.
It just so happens that the people I am meant to share Him with are on the other side of the world.
This year while we are at home in America our oldest two (at home) are attending a fabulous Christian school. It just so happens, however, that this fabulous Christian school is a bazillion miles from our house. Ok, so only 18 miles one way, but whatever... This means that every school day I am spending a grand total of four or more hours in the car taking them back and forth to school. And I hate, disgust, dislike, loathe, detest, despise, ABHOR driving in a car. Ha ha, it must be some sort of unresolved grief from my childhood years where I spent all that time in a car while my parents were PDing it (partnership development). (Just kidding, mom and dad, I am not damaged by my upbringing. Promise!) Even though I hate driving in a car I do it. Because investing in my kids’ lives, futures and education is worth it. I do it cause I love them. They are a worthwhile investment.
See the mild parallel there?
Until this point in my life I have never ever really at a gut level understood this verse from Luke 14:26, "If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple."
I didn't get it. Until now.
Jesus doesn't ask us for a watered down faith. He paints a radical picture of what true discipleship means. He must come first. It's not about me. It's not even about my kids. Or my mom. It's about Him.
And so I'll trudge on through my grief. Acknowledging it. Sometimes even losing control and ranting and raving about it to friends. I'll pray through it, and I'll sob in the shower. I might even have days where I play far too much Candy Crush and watch stupid YouTube videos for hours on end. But ultimately I will continue to find my solace in Him through His Word, and He will bring healing to my hurt. And I will love Him even more. And because I love Him, I will follow His leading on my life because I belong to Him.
And that, my friend, that’s the why behind it all.
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