waiting on the God who waits

Ever prayed for patience? From my own personal experience let me advise you against it. Patience is a learned thing. It comes by hard work. A lot of times for this mother of four girls it has come via long nights with sick littles, tantrums from more-stubborn-than-a-mule independent toddlers and the masterful eye-rolling of teens who are thoroughly convinced they are quite obviously more versed on life than their parents. For this missionary mom, patience looks an awful lot like endless piles of wet laundry while having absolutely no more free space to hang anything because the sun just won't ever shine again. (Of course, this is a slight exaggeration as the sun will shine again, but much more gentile than my real emotions when everyone's underwear is on full display throughout the entire house for what feels like weeks on weeks of the year. If nudity was culturally appropriate I may put a great deal of consideration into a new life style choice - for at least Marty and the children - during rainy season.) Patience can also be the hours and hours on end in the kitchen because life starts from the most very basic ingredients in Ukarumpa land. Or patience is where I am now, trapped in the in-between world, aka furlough or home assignment, taking fair advantage of all the yummy pre-made ingredients and my glorious clothes dryer, while watching and waiting on the Lord's provision so that in His timing we can fly back over that pond to fulfill our calling and passion serving Him in the highlands of Papua New Guinea.

Patience is learned by hard work. The hard work of enduring most often than not. The hard work of plugging on through each day. Even when the basics of life seem to control every waking moment. Trust me, I am not an expert when it comes to practicing patience. Though I must admit I am working towards it, plugging through so many things I cannot control... I am just not quite "there" yet. on.so.many.levels. I honestly ever wonder if I will completely arrive? At least on this side of eternity where it seems my life is forever filled with waiting. Waiting that in this moment feels as if it will never ever end.

But I am dragging this all out a bit more than I wanted to. Forever rambling... 'Cause, y'all, I don't wanna talk about my lack of patience. Or even my forever struggle to find it. What I want is to explore how patience is a powerful attribute of God. Patient is who He is. Not only what He does. But who He is.

God is patient. Yes. Indeed. But I had quite the revelation today when I took a short step beyond who He is to recognize that in His patience He waits for me. Do what, you say?! I know it!! I know it! Have you ever thought of it that way? Maybe you have and you are at least one step ahead of me, but maybe, just maybe you are right there with me. Shocked, shook up, trembling just a bit by the truth that it's not always just me doing the waiting. I mean I knew He was there with me in the waiting. In my stretch to learn patience He has never abandoned me. He is always with me. But the truth is these words... this, this is so, so, so good:

"Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you; and therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him." Isaiah 30:18 NKJV

God waits on me.

Think on that for a second, k? Do you realize what the means? Do you really? DANG! That's love, you guys. Intense. Powerful. Real. The God of all creation is personal. Intimate. Waiting on me.

The truth of this verse strikes me deep. At my core. It makes my waiting that much more purposeful. "the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you". Right now we are waiting on just a few (sarcasm intended) BIG things. A house that we will place on the market later this year. Financial aid for two college girls. A completed partnership team! Significant one-time funds to purchase airfare back to our home on the other side of the ocean. Renewed visas and paperwork. Medical clearance for our crew to return. And what seems like an always growing and never shrinking list of necessary things to purchase and ship back to Ukarumpa land for our next term.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

But never waiting in vain!

You would think I would be quite the saint by now. Ha ha ha! Truth is, I can honestly say I have been very discouraged with the progress or lack of progress of most of all of these things. We have been in America for more than half of our furlough and instead of preparing for our return we have gathered more debt because our partnership team hasn't grown much. In my most pessimistic end-of-the-world moments when I take a hard look into the future I can feel my chest closing in on me.

Can you see a glimpse of what these words mean to me now? God is waiting that He may be gracious to me. He desires to bless me. He desires to shower me in His goodness. He is waiting to be gracious to me. To me!!

Why would I want to rush that?

"Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruits of the earth, waiting patiently for it..." James 5:7 NKJV

My waiting. His waiting. It isn't in vain. He is perfecting me in it. Just as the farmer waits for the harvest. He is waiting on me.

And He is certainly in no hurry. But then, why the heck would He need to be?? He knows what's next. He is all-knowing.

"He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you" When He provides. And, yes, He is the only source of provision there is. When He provides, it will exalt Him. He is waiting so that He might be gracious and merciful to me.

Who wouldn't want to wait for that? Who wouldn't want to wait for God to be gracious? To be exalted? To show His mercy?

So here I am waiting on the God who waits assured that "God has made everything beautiful for its own time" (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NLT). Even today.

And here I am waiting on the God who waits "rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer" (Romans 12:12 NASB).