when life isn't great and God is still good.

“To live for the greatness of God is to live a great life.” Beth Moore

Today life isn’t great. I am pouring myself out for what I pray will be His glory and for what I know at my core is His will. But still today it isn’t great. Seriously, I have a few choice words to describe what life has really been like for a while now, but will keep my mouth shut cause it’s safer that way for us both.

And yet, God is good and I trust what He is doing around me, in me and through me. Ultimately the end result will be great. I know cause He has already called all the shots. I have read the end of the story and the victory that is coming is mine in Him.

My heart and mind have needed to be reminded of this truth from Beth Moore a lot lately. Perhaps it is the mundaneness of my daily life that has me reaching for this? Perhaps it the full-on-immersion into our reality that separates me from the clarity I desire to be able to see what our impact might be? Perhaps it is the severely complex circumstances that surround my mundane life here in missionary-land? Immersed in the complex and mundane. Quite a contradiction, yet so true.

In the midst of the ugliness and boringness of life I often have to haul myself kicking and screaming back to the truth. The truth that His heart is for His glory

“In the beginning GOD” Genesis 1:1 NLT

AND for my good

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “They are plans for good” Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

… but for quite a while since life has been super hard it seems the “my good part” has been dragged through the mud.

“For whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24 NIV

I believe we have attempted to sugarcoat Christianity. Or allowed ourselves to frequently view our faith from a skewed version of the whole truth. Let me see if I can explain what I mean… we tend to live in a state of mind that assumes that because we know we are to find joy in our relationship with Christ and in obedience to the Father that we aren’t allowed to acknowledge the pain that comes with the pouring out of our lives and wills to Him.  

Guys, it’s painful. For reals. And when I pretend its not, for me at least, it seems to hurt more.

I think the people who are most guilty of sugarcoating Christianity in this way are the missionaries. We live in such a different realm of reality that often brings utter confusion to those on the outside, so we don’t speak the truth beyond the good or the really interesting parts. Missionaries (and missionary kids) wear such a burden of responsibility and accountability (often self-inflicted) that we sometimes hide the reality of what ministry really is.

And then what? As missionaries, we are disillusioned. Hurt, frustrated and often angry by unmet and unrealistic expectations.

And what of those that send us? Quite possibly very confused. (Especially when you see us face to face again… often at the end of our emotional and physical ropes. But then if we only share with you the good parts, why wouldn’t you be?)

And what of our partnerships and relationships with those that send us? Disconnected. If we pretend life is great in the midst of it not being all-great, how can we effectively pray?

I stand before you now to metaphorically (imagine me looking fabulous please) take off my hat of “always the happy missionary”. Turn your head if you must, while I throw it on the ground and do a wild woman dance on top of it.

Pretending ministry is all good is damaging. Pretending life is great right now is a lie and hiding behind any resemblance to that imaginary reality is suffocating me.

I am not leading into that I am going to spill all the nitty-gritty details with you. Fear not.

And, I am not saying that all is bad. Guys, God is all up in this with us. Before us. Behind us. Holding us in His hand. Collecting our tears. Rejoicing over us with singing. We are precious and honored by Him. He is in the transitions, the mundane, the sad, the bad, the ugly and the good- the beautiful good. And He never changes.

The end result as we seek to live for His greatness is “a great life”, but for now, here in the valley, life is complex and mundane and painful.

“But this is what you must do: Tell the truth to each other.” Zechariah 8:16 NLT

“speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ” Ephesians 4:15 NLT