in your face with grace. and inappropriate laughter.
Just a little while ago I started typing through sloppy tears wondering if I should be typing at all. As I sat here at my computer with the blinking cursor glaring at me, someone I met only once (really just one time), randomly messaged me asking me for spiritual guidance. Literally the very moment I went to erase everything I was typing there was the message.
My response? Laughter. Inappropriately timed laughter. (Something I am pretty darn dependable at.)
I seriously laughed out loud. Not at her question. Not at her... at me. I laughed out loud at myself. Then I stopped crying. (Imagine the laughter and tears together... eehhhmmm #crazylady.)
Why was God asking me to give help when I was hurting so badly? Surely, I am not qualified!
"I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say." Exodus 4:12 NLT
I have been told throughout my life that I am honest. When I was little it looked like me getting up in my grandfather's face while he was smoking, telling him "that's gonna kill you". Praise the Lord I have learned a little bit more discretion now that I am approaching forty. Nowadays my honesty and openness is most often noted with statements from others that I am "real". The funny thing is that I don't know how to be anything else. I always just thought it was me.
"Hi, I'm Sara Driggers and I am blatantly honest and transparent."
That was until a few days or maybe even a week or so ago when someone told me that my honesty is a gift. I wanted to laugh then too. Maybe I did? She told me she thought my honesty was a spiritual gift. I have never considered the fact that I speak truth so openly and easily to be a gift. But apparently many theologians do. Who knew? I suppose its a little sad and sorta weird that I am just learning this, but that's sorta the theme with my life right now. Figuring out who I am.
This friend told me that not everyone knows how to live life this way. In a real and honest way without fear. That she feels safe with me, because there is no second guessing. What I feel and think is what I say and do. Every time.
"A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other." 1 Corinthians 12:7 NLT
That got me to thinking... If my realness is a spiritual gift, how am I going to use it for His glory?
I came up with this... That being honest with others, even in my hurt, when poured through the filter of His Word is something God has given me to do. Even when it hurts. Even if it is uncomfortable.
Cause this life I live isn't about me. It's about Him. It's about loving others. Even when I don't feel qualified. Even when I am damaged myself - beautifully broken.
I believe it was confirmed today when I was erasing my words from this screen. (Hopefully my silly forgetful head will remember.) I don't know why this person approached me for guidance. And I did not even give any great life altering advice. I offered prayer and some simple answers and suggestions to the questions posed to me. I think this situation was more about God opening my eyes to see myself. I had begun to doubt myself again and in the midst of that He met me and instead of me erasing my words, He erased the fear of vulnerability that I was dealing with in that moment away.
It aches to be vulnerable, especially when life isn't all peaches and cream, but it is how He has knit me together to be.
"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me... You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together" Psalm 139:1, 13 NLT
God does not make mistakes. He knows me and He knows you better than we know ourselves.
He has given me passion to share my life through words sifted through His Word. On this screen and if we have a chance to meet - in your face. With grace (duh). And inappropriate laughter. And, by golly, that's what I'm gonna do.
What has He asked you to do?
"Before you were born I set you apart" Jeremiah 1:5 NLT
My response? Laughter. Inappropriately timed laughter. (Something I am pretty darn dependable at.)
I seriously laughed out loud. Not at her question. Not at her... at me. I laughed out loud at myself. Then I stopped crying. (Imagine the laughter and tears together... eehhhmmm #crazylady.)
Why was God asking me to give help when I was hurting so badly? Surely, I am not qualified!
"I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say." Exodus 4:12 NLT
I have been told throughout my life that I am honest. When I was little it looked like me getting up in my grandfather's face while he was smoking, telling him "that's gonna kill you". Praise the Lord I have learned a little bit more discretion now that I am approaching forty. Nowadays my honesty and openness is most often noted with statements from others that I am "real". The funny thing is that I don't know how to be anything else. I always just thought it was me.
"Hi, I'm Sara Driggers and I am blatantly honest and transparent."
That was until a few days or maybe even a week or so ago when someone told me that my honesty is a gift. I wanted to laugh then too. Maybe I did? She told me she thought my honesty was a spiritual gift. I have never considered the fact that I speak truth so openly and easily to be a gift. But apparently many theologians do. Who knew? I suppose its a little sad and sorta weird that I am just learning this, but that's sorta the theme with my life right now. Figuring out who I am.
This friend told me that not everyone knows how to live life this way. In a real and honest way without fear. That she feels safe with me, because there is no second guessing. What I feel and think is what I say and do. Every time.
"A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other." 1 Corinthians 12:7 NLT
That got me to thinking... If my realness is a spiritual gift, how am I going to use it for His glory?
I came up with this... That being honest with others, even in my hurt, when poured through the filter of His Word is something God has given me to do. Even when it hurts. Even if it is uncomfortable.
Cause this life I live isn't about me. It's about Him. It's about loving others. Even when I don't feel qualified. Even when I am damaged myself - beautifully broken.
I believe it was confirmed today when I was erasing my words from this screen. (Hopefully my silly forgetful head will remember.) I don't know why this person approached me for guidance. And I did not even give any great life altering advice. I offered prayer and some simple answers and suggestions to the questions posed to me. I think this situation was more about God opening my eyes to see myself. I had begun to doubt myself again and in the midst of that He met me and instead of me erasing my words, He erased the fear of vulnerability that I was dealing with in that moment away.
It aches to be vulnerable, especially when life isn't all peaches and cream, but it is how He has knit me together to be.
"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me... You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together" Psalm 139:1, 13 NLT
God does not make mistakes. He knows me and He knows you better than we know ourselves.
He has given me passion to share my life through words sifted through His Word. On this screen and if we have a chance to meet - in your face. With grace (duh). And inappropriate laughter. And, by golly, that's what I'm gonna do.
What has He asked you to do?
"Before you were born I set you apart" Jeremiah 1:5 NLT
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