when faith seems careless
Someone I love was chatting with me today. Her family is also on furlough from Papua New Guinea. I have designated her as my furlough buddy. And myself as hers. We were chatting about our preparations to return to living on the other side of the world in a few months. I mentioned some of the items we have been gathering for our sea freight shipment. Stuff, almost all sorts of stuff, is hard to buy in PNG and if available is very expensive (as high as 5x what we might pay for an item here). During my conversation with my furlough buddy, I felt a twinge of some sort of strange emotion, one that I really can't put a name on. Except to call it the 'willies'. I feel that same surge of emotion - I get the willies - every time I take my mind or eyes to this:
This is a glimpse of some of the things we are sending back to our home across the globe. FYI, the chair isn't making the trip, but two mattress sets, as well as a couch, kitchen table and chairs, a love seat and other items are.
Let me clarify a few things... this weird emotion? The willies? Whelp, I can honestly say it is absolutely not guilt. We have survived (yes, it came to survival at certain points) our first term and have a very firm understanding of what items are going to make our second term more manageable, prettier (yes, pretty things - and by this I mean aesthetically pleasing - are also hard, if not often just down right impossible, to come by in PNG) and quite obviously (mattress sets and furniture) more comfortable. Cause who says missionaries don't deserve a comfy donated couch? Not this girl!
The second thing to clarify... I hope and quite selfishly pray that we can take much more than what you see here. We are still praying for new appliances to ship as well as other items for home improvement.
Here IS where that weird emotion slips into the picture though. See, we have no absolute guarantee that we are even leaving yet. And I don't know why, but for some few and far-and-in-between people that I have encountered this doesn't seem like something that should be a big deal? Why is that? I really would like to know! (Insert emoji with giant eyes here.)
So as my furlough buddy and I were chatting today I mentioned this shipment we are sending. This shipment we are sending to a place we have no guarantee we are going back to. This shipment we are sending to a place that we have no guarantee we are going back to AND have absolutely no funds to pay for shipping.
Kinda seems careless, eh?
Today, and most every day as we prepare to leave for Papua New Guinea, my faith seems careless. Why else in the world would I get flu shot in April? PNG medical clearance is about the only reason I can think of. Or here, what about this one? After the month of July we do not have a house to live in, a car to drive and we have purposefully not registered Miriam for her next year of high school at Metrolina Christian Academy. And we are making no other arrangements. For any of those things. Seems careless, doesn't it?
Y'all ever seen Indian Jones and the Last Crusade? You know that bit in the movie where Indy has to take a step out onto a foot bridge (between two deep caverns) that he cannot see? Here's a movie clip if you have access to watch it:
My life feels a good bit like this nowadays. Every day is about an unsure future filled with maybe's and what if's that we are actively pursuing as if we have complete assurance of what is to come.
"Then Jesus told them, 'You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.'" John 20:29 NLT
We can't see what lies ahead, but yet we move forward in faith. Forward in full belief this is His will and He will make a way.
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1 NLT
Now go ahead and read the rest of that chapter of Hebrews. I will be here waiting. Did you read it? Ok, good... Every single one of these individuals not only believed, but they moved forward in action. In my best opinion, that's living faith. Faith that is alive and well.
Even if it doesn't make sense. Even if it seems careless. Even if it gives you the willies a little bit, or even, a whole heck of a lot.
"As the Scriptures tell us, 'Anyone who trusts in Him will never be disgraced.'" Romans 10:11 NLT
This is a glimpse of some of the things we are sending back to our home across the globe. FYI, the chair isn't making the trip, but two mattress sets, as well as a couch, kitchen table and chairs, a love seat and other items are.
Let me clarify a few things... this weird emotion? The willies? Whelp, I can honestly say it is absolutely not guilt. We have survived (yes, it came to survival at certain points) our first term and have a very firm understanding of what items are going to make our second term more manageable, prettier (yes, pretty things - and by this I mean aesthetically pleasing - are also hard, if not often just down right impossible, to come by in PNG) and quite obviously (mattress sets and furniture) more comfortable. Cause who says missionaries don't deserve a comfy donated couch? Not this girl!
The second thing to clarify... I hope and quite selfishly pray that we can take much more than what you see here. We are still praying for new appliances to ship as well as other items for home improvement.
Here IS where that weird emotion slips into the picture though. See, we have no absolute guarantee that we are even leaving yet. And I don't know why, but for some few and far-and-in-between people that I have encountered this doesn't seem like something that should be a big deal? Why is that? I really would like to know! (Insert emoji with giant eyes here.)
So as my furlough buddy and I were chatting today I mentioned this shipment we are sending. This shipment we are sending to a place we have no guarantee we are going back to. This shipment we are sending to a place that we have no guarantee we are going back to AND have absolutely no funds to pay for shipping.
Kinda seems careless, eh?
Today, and most every day as we prepare to leave for Papua New Guinea, my faith seems careless. Why else in the world would I get flu shot in April? PNG medical clearance is about the only reason I can think of. Or here, what about this one? After the month of July we do not have a house to live in, a car to drive and we have purposefully not registered Miriam for her next year of high school at Metrolina Christian Academy. And we are making no other arrangements. For any of those things. Seems careless, doesn't it?
Y'all ever seen Indian Jones and the Last Crusade? You know that bit in the movie where Indy has to take a step out onto a foot bridge (between two deep caverns) that he cannot see? Here's a movie clip if you have access to watch it:
My life feels a good bit like this nowadays. Every day is about an unsure future filled with maybe's and what if's that we are actively pursuing as if we have complete assurance of what is to come.
"Then Jesus told them, 'You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.'" John 20:29 NLT
We can't see what lies ahead, but yet we move forward in faith. Forward in full belief this is His will and He will make a way.
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1 NLT
Now go ahead and read the rest of that chapter of Hebrews. I will be here waiting. Did you read it? Ok, good... Every single one of these individuals not only believed, but they moved forward in action. In my best opinion, that's living faith. Faith that is alive and well.
Even if it doesn't make sense. Even if it seems careless. Even if it gives you the willies a little bit, or even, a whole heck of a lot.
"As the Scriptures tell us, 'Anyone who trusts in Him will never be disgraced.'" Romans 10:11 NLT
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