happy to be hated?
"Don't trust anyone - not your best friend or even your wife! For the son despises his father. The daughter-in-law defies her mother-in-law. Your enemies are right in your own household!"
Micah 7:5-6
This post has nothing to do with family drama like you may expect. I want to talk about the Christian family, not the biological family.
As I continue to process through my "family drama" from our last two terms, I am realizing that I have set expectations on others. In my defense, they are what I deem to be healthy expectations and have Biblical truths to back them up. But they are unrealistic expectations.
I have held others (others = fellow Christ followers) to the standard I desire to hold for myself. (Well sort of. To be honest, I more than likely expect more of them than I want to admit.) I have believed since as a Christ follower I am called to love others and all that entails, I expect / demand them to act accordingly as fellow Christ followers. This is an unrealistic expectation. The Bible tells me so. "Don't trust anyone."
Please take note, that this does not come from the heart and head of a cynic. In fact, I personally struggle with being overly optimistic. (Yes, it's a real struggle. Just ask my husband.)
Until the last few years, I have usually thought of those 'anyones' that I am not supposed to trust as those on the outside - the 'worldly anyones'. I wholeheartedly know and expect persecution from the world. But when your enemies, persecutors, slanderers, insulters, and gossipers are Christians... Well that has been a different level of hurt for me. But why though? The Bible is so clear on this: "Your enemies are right in your own household.".
I guess it comes from here... the Church as a body of believers has very specific instructions on behavior. Unity. Self-sacrificial love. And the list goes on and on and on.
I have expected that though I am not perfect, but that because God's instructions for me and other Christ followers are very specific, that everyone else should be. Or at least attempt to be. Or at least with the really big sins, right? Apparently, the grace I have given myself I struggle to extend to others. And I can totally justify it... I haven't done things as bad as they have done to me. Therefore, I deserve grace. Therefore, they deserve justice.
But that's faulty thinking.
Not only is it faulty. It is sinful. It is unfair. And it is unrealistic. This faulty thinking has fueled my feelings. These faulty feelings have been fueled by my pride. (OUCH.)
The Bible is clear and direct. We are told to not only expect antagonism and to do good to others when it happens, but to be freaking happy to be hated.
"What blessings await you when people hate you and exclude you and mock you and curse you as evil because you follow the Son of Man. When that happens, be happy! Yes, leap for joy! For a great reward awaits you in heaven." Luke 6:22-23
"That is why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ." 2 Corinthians 12:9
God's been speaking to me very clearly lately about some messed up thinking I have held on to for a really, really long time. I have practiced A LOT of "should" thinking. People who love Jesus should love me. Cause He told us to.
And they should do it perfectly:
They should not gossip.
They should not slander.
They should not lie.
They should not betray me.
They should be trustworthy.
They should be honest.
They should be loving.
They should seek unity.
I could go on and on and on.
God's been awakening my heart to these should's. And in place of those should's He has been asking me to see others (Christ followers specifically) as He sees them. Made in His image.
"Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us." Genesis 1:26
"Christ's love controls us. So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view." 2 Corinthians 5:14, 16
I have deeply struggled with loving people who have hurt me because of unmet and unrealistic expectations. Until recently, I always thought it wasn't all that hard for me to forgive them until I realize that God-driven-forgiveness, true-forgiveness includes loving, praying and desiring good things for those who hurt you (even when reconciliation doesn't or cannot happen). In years past I have just stopped here, because I was missing that big ticket of: "so we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.". I have allowed myself to become overwhelmed by the inability I have to love others all the way. So, I have opted for toleration and avoidance. And I have labeled it "survival" because the task seems impossible. And I have labeled it "love".
How can I extend real love to people when not only can I not expect / demand / require their treatment of me be God-honoring, but how can I love them when I have let go of those expectations and grasp the reality that people are sinful and will hurt me?
I don't have all the answers. I doubt I ever will. I don't think it will ever become easy to love people who have hurt me. I don't believe it will ever be easy to be happy to be hated. But I have come to two conclusions in my struggle to work in the direction of loving Christian people I don't like because of their treatment of me or those I love. The first is: no matter what the circumstances are - I am only responsible for myself - my actions, my heart, my thoughts. (This is extremely frustrating (eh hem, pride) because I want to hold others accountable.)
"Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Make allowances for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Colossians 3:12-15
There is no escape clause to these direct narratives from God to me. No matter the circumstances, I am still responsible for myself. There is grace. And more grace (James 4:6) but there is no escape from the command to try.
The second conclusion is this: justice is in the hands of my trustworthy, all loving, faithful, true and just God and is outside of my control.
"Has the Lord ever needed anyone's advice? Does He need instruction about what is good? Did someone teach Him what is right, or show Him that path of justice?" Isaiah 40:14
(Disclaimer: I am not advocating for abuse. I am not advocating for ignoring, hiding or excusing wrongs in the body of Christ. There is a Biblical way to deal with the inappropriate behavior of others in the Church, but that is another post that I am not qualified to write. This post is about me dealing with my own personal experiences in a transparent way that they might honor God and draw others to His heart.)
Micah 7:5-6
This post has nothing to do with family drama like you may expect. I want to talk about the Christian family, not the biological family.
As I continue to process through my "family drama" from our last two terms, I am realizing that I have set expectations on others. In my defense, they are what I deem to be healthy expectations and have Biblical truths to back them up. But they are unrealistic expectations.
I have held others (others = fellow Christ followers) to the standard I desire to hold for myself. (Well sort of. To be honest, I more than likely expect more of them than I want to admit.) I have believed since as a Christ follower I am called to love others and all that entails, I expect / demand them to act accordingly as fellow Christ followers. This is an unrealistic expectation. The Bible tells me so. "Don't trust anyone."
Please take note, that this does not come from the heart and head of a cynic. In fact, I personally struggle with being overly optimistic. (Yes, it's a real struggle. Just ask my husband.)
Until the last few years, I have usually thought of those 'anyones' that I am not supposed to trust as those on the outside - the 'worldly anyones'. I wholeheartedly know and expect persecution from the world. But when your enemies, persecutors, slanderers, insulters, and gossipers are Christians... Well that has been a different level of hurt for me. But why though? The Bible is so clear on this: "Your enemies are right in your own household.".
I guess it comes from here... the Church as a body of believers has very specific instructions on behavior. Unity. Self-sacrificial love. And the list goes on and on and on.
I have expected that though I am not perfect, but that because God's instructions for me and other Christ followers are very specific, that everyone else should be. Or at least attempt to be. Or at least with the really big sins, right? Apparently, the grace I have given myself I struggle to extend to others. And I can totally justify it... I haven't done things as bad as they have done to me. Therefore, I deserve grace. Therefore, they deserve justice.
But that's faulty thinking.
Not only is it faulty. It is sinful. It is unfair. And it is unrealistic. This faulty thinking has fueled my feelings. These faulty feelings have been fueled by my pride. (OUCH.)
The Bible is clear and direct. We are told to not only expect antagonism and to do good to others when it happens, but to be freaking happy to be hated.
"What blessings await you when people hate you and exclude you and mock you and curse you as evil because you follow the Son of Man. When that happens, be happy! Yes, leap for joy! For a great reward awaits you in heaven." Luke 6:22-23
"That is why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ." 2 Corinthians 12:9
God's been speaking to me very clearly lately about some messed up thinking I have held on to for a really, really long time. I have practiced A LOT of "should" thinking. People who love Jesus should love me. Cause He told us to.
And they should do it perfectly:
They should not gossip.
They should not slander.
They should not lie.
They should not betray me.
They should be trustworthy.
They should be honest.
They should be loving.
They should seek unity.
I could go on and on and on.
God's been awakening my heart to these should's. And in place of those should's He has been asking me to see others (Christ followers specifically) as He sees them. Made in His image.
"Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us." Genesis 1:26
"Christ's love controls us. So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view." 2 Corinthians 5:14, 16
I have deeply struggled with loving people who have hurt me because of unmet and unrealistic expectations. Until recently, I always thought it wasn't all that hard for me to forgive them until I realize that God-driven-forgiveness, true-forgiveness includes loving, praying and desiring good things for those who hurt you (even when reconciliation doesn't or cannot happen). In years past I have just stopped here, because I was missing that big ticket of: "so we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.". I have allowed myself to become overwhelmed by the inability I have to love others all the way. So, I have opted for toleration and avoidance. And I have labeled it "survival" because the task seems impossible. And I have labeled it "love".
How can I extend real love to people when not only can I not expect / demand / require their treatment of me be God-honoring, but how can I love them when I have let go of those expectations and grasp the reality that people are sinful and will hurt me?
I don't have all the answers. I doubt I ever will. I don't think it will ever become easy to love people who have hurt me. I don't believe it will ever be easy to be happy to be hated. But I have come to two conclusions in my struggle to work in the direction of loving Christian people I don't like because of their treatment of me or those I love. The first is: no matter what the circumstances are - I am only responsible for myself - my actions, my heart, my thoughts. (This is extremely frustrating (eh hem, pride) because I want to hold others accountable.)
"Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Make allowances for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Colossians 3:12-15
There is no escape clause to these direct narratives from God to me. No matter the circumstances, I am still responsible for myself. There is grace. And more grace (James 4:6) but there is no escape from the command to try.
The second conclusion is this: justice is in the hands of my trustworthy, all loving, faithful, true and just God and is outside of my control.
"Has the Lord ever needed anyone's advice? Does He need instruction about what is good? Did someone teach Him what is right, or show Him that path of justice?" Isaiah 40:14
(Disclaimer: I am not advocating for abuse. I am not advocating for ignoring, hiding or excusing wrongs in the body of Christ. There is a Biblical way to deal with the inappropriate behavior of others in the Church, but that is another post that I am not qualified to write. This post is about me dealing with my own personal experiences in a transparent way that they might honor God and draw others to His heart.)
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