to see God

I wish I could adequately find the words to paint this picture in your mind. Its the glorious image of the barren trees of the Carolina forest in winter.

Glorious, you ask? Yes I think so. Let me explain why...

Trees don't lose their leaves in Papua New Guinea. Well not all at once at least. Yes, it is like endless spring time. Yes, it is always beautiful. Green, alive, lush... exclaiming God's glory! Seriously, I find living in the eastern highlands of Papua New Guinea to be one of the most beautiful displays of God's stunning creation. Everything is always alive. Always blooming. Always dripping green with new life. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

Living on two separate sides of the planet can either be a curse or a blessing. Yep, you have to choose. Will I put a stake in the ground and make a conscious choice to allow my situation tear my heart in two or can I find beauty in where I am? Often the two have been simultaneous for me. I don't like the idea of "the grass is always greener". Cause the grass will always be greener in Ukarumpa. Really though, God's been doing a number on my heart for quite a long, long while in regards to stopping and savoring His presence wherever He lands my two feet. Even on frost covered and crunchy brown grass.

Will I choose to see Him right where I am?

Will I choose to step beyond simple contentment? (Though, can contentment even be simple?!)

God displays His glory EVERYWHERE in ALL things. Not just when life is grand and easy and simple and green and lush. Not only when the sun is shining and the birds are endlessly chirping. Not only when I have coffee and chocolate and bacon. Nope. His glory is displayed ALL the time.

I prayed a ways back that God would open the eyes of my heart to see His beauty and presence and essence everywhere. Don't think I am a holy roller, k? I prayed this prayer out of desperation! I prayed this prayer from a broken place with a heart gripped by homesickness and in the midst of pathetic despair. I was at a place where I couldn't keep just getting by. I had to do more than simply survive while breathing in and breathing out. I begged for the Lord to teach me how to embrace and find beauty exactly where I was.

FYI, when you pray - He hears you.

"when you pray, I will listen" Jeremiah 29:12 NLT

FYI, He's so good He can answer before you even ask!!!

"I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!" Isaiah 65:24 NLT

FYI, there isn't anything that you cannot pray about.

"Yes, ask me for anything in My name, and I will do it!" John 14:14 NLT

I prayed for God to open my eyes, mind and heart to Him and His beauty no matter where He placed me, and since then I have been in awe of my answered prayer. Okay, okay, okay... don't just think it was a miraculous change and I was instantly happy and seeing God everywhere all the time. It took a, pardon my language, it took a butt-load of effort on my part. Um, it still does a good bit of the time. Like I said, it has to be a conscious choice. A conscious choice, yes, but also a consistent and gentle reminder from the Holy Spirit. I am not in this alone!

"He will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever" John 16:16 NIV

It's been eye opening to be back in the Carolina's and to see my prayer to see God come to fruition over and over and over again. You guys, I have never, ever, not once before in my entire life, been the girl who enjoys winter. Everything in appearance is dead, brown, dried up, shriveled, cold, gross... yuck. Winter in the Carolina's isn't snow and white and pretty and pure looking. It's just blah. (Granted there are days that are spectacularly warm! Actually this Sunday's forecast is a 64 fabulous degrees. Yes, score me! #CarolinaGirl)

Imagine my shock this winter... I have found and seen such a glorious display of God's faithfulness in the winter months. I have seen God where I have never been able to notice Him before. What used to look dried up, dead, brown and shriveled has taken on a totally different view point in my mind. Instead of seeing barren and dried up I see God faithfully providing and building up... storing and preserving. 

Instead of barren trees stripped of green leaves oozing life I have seen the fluff of life removed and the sturdy faithfulness of God displayed in the branches and trunks that are still standing. Gloriously displayed without any distractions. The leaves, temporary each year, have been stripped away to show the base of the tree. 

Much like my life of partnership development. See we cannot sustain ministry in Papua New Guinea without an entire support system holding us up. Just as those branches are connected to the trunk we are all interconnected to the same ministry. And we do not do it without roots that go down deep. 

Underneath that cold dark ground is an entire root system. Those roots are holding up that trunk. Those roots are carrying life to those branches. This image reminds me of my God. He is the life-giver of all and to all.

"Let your roots go down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness." Colossians 2:7 NLT

I love being here in America. I love our family. I love our friends. I love dates with my husband and endless hot water (well as long as I shower before a certain someone who lives in my house). I love cute shoes and delicious treats. I love smooth roads and water I can drink out of the tap. I love high speed internet (when it is working!) without paying an arm and a leg for it. I love feeling pride in the land that I love. I love America. 

However, my work and my life and my home simply doesn't exist here as they used to. 

God has burdened my heart for another land. And He has provided a new home (not just the structure) there. Even though I am blessed to be here I have struggled with feelings of homesickness for there. Even though I love to be here I struggle with feelings of not be productive here. I have an entire ministry and existence that my heart longs to be a part of again. 

I honestly just don't think I can explain it... and I don't have any pictures to try and make sense of the life and emotions of living torn between two sides of the globe. 

Partnership development is tough too. Fully relying on God for everything all the time might be easier for someone with more faith. While God is growing my faith, it is so hard for me to not worry and be wracked with concerns when large deadlines and budgets and one-time expenses loom over our head. 

God has all the resources. Everything is His.

"all the world is mine and everything in it" Psalm 50:12 NLT

Yet, He has been keeping us waiting. Waiting on His provision through His people.

I have seen the Lord's faithfulness in those barren trees. He is building up a team of partners, an intricate system of branches, who will support our work from afar. Even when things look bleak and dry, He is still breathing new and sustaining life into our ministry. 

Those leaves dry and fall each year, but does the trunk? No, that tree is still growing. Can I see it growing? Not so much... sorta like it's been a struggle to watch and wait for God's provision for our partnership team and expenses to return to PNG. I can't see it happening like I wish I could, but the reality is those trees - like our ministry and partnership team - are still growing and flourishing.

The winter months have reminded me how God is storing up and preserving us for our next term. We cannot do what we do alone. We need people, called by God, to pray and give so that we can go. God is growing and strengthening our team. Preserving us for our future. He is connecting us all through His life line. 

I see God in the barrenness of a Carolina winter. (FYI, He is where you are too. No matter how bleak it may look, if you will allow Him, He will continue building and breathing new life into your situation as well.)

And then, spring will come. 

I will see God there as well.