relinquishing control (that I never had)
*Disclosure statement* I write this with the full realization that those who read it will most likely think I am over-dramatizing my life, but just know this - I love my kids.
A pastor friend recently shared his frustrations about writing his monthly newsletters. He said he feels like every three days he has to start another one. I totally "get" what he is saying too. How is it time again already for me to stress about the dern thing?! Oh, it's not that I don't like to write the silly things. I do (maybe I am over-thinking things again - I have been know to do it once or maybe even twice *extreme sarcasm*), but somehow they still scare me. I suppose that the fact that I am aiming to effectively communicate with such a large amount of people in a "formal" way (or at least a way that can be tracked and reread - which is assuming a lot - the newsletters may not be read at all! ha ha) is what shakes me up a bit. Lord, please help me to be a good steward for You!
So I have been stressing over this next newsletter a good bit. Here's my overly-thought-over reasoning (that I think I have written about already):
Hmmm. Where do I start? I guess I have to start at the beginning AGAIN... this past school year was life altering for our family. (Have you heard that little tidbit before?) Never before have I seem my kids work so hard (even Miriam frequently pulled 12 and 14 hour school days - mind you she was only 11 years old!) and struggle so much all the way through it. Being a parent is the hardest thing there is the universe, especially when you see your kids like I saw mine this past year.
So what does this have to do with the newsletter? I guess this is where my over-thinking comes in. In reality - not so much - but in my mind - if there is anything. A N Y T H I N G. in all of existence that I can do to keep my kids from another school year like this one I have to do it.
School starts in PNG on July 18. I want my kids to be there at the beginning. I think this will be the "easiest" transition for them. (If there is such a thing as a easy transition!) The June newsletter is sorta like my last shot at impacting our departure in any way, shape, or form. If I can effectively and boldly communicate our situation can I impact my children's life? Is any of this really within my power? I guess it isn't, but if I just sit back and let it go without effort what kind of a mother would I be?
It almost seems too much for me to think of my girls having to hurt through an entire year of school again. Wait. I take that back. Not almost. It does seem like too much. The thought of them falling behind again, and stressing and struggling through another year after just barely surviving this one. Really - the hurt is just too fresh. It was just last week, Wednesday to be exact, that Taylor finished her Algebra 2 final exam. And it's only Monday y'all.
I guess by now you think I am completely bonkers. I believe when I take the time to reread what I have written I will agree with your assessment as well. But know this, I love my kids. Passionately love them. With a love that I can't fathom. Just trying to process my thoughts as I write has my heart rate accelerated. Oh, how I want to keep them from a repeat of this year. I want to protect them and yet I feel so out of control of any of this.
Relinquishing this control of my babies' futures (that I never had) to my God is by far more difficult a task than I could ever imagine.
Please remember my momma-heart in your prayers. Whatever the outcome of my newsletter, our departure date, the new school year, and any and every other change that is to come - God is in control, and He loves us fearcely with an unfailing love.
My prayer for my newsletter is that:
"my message and my preaching were very plain. Rather than using clever and persuasive speeches, I relied only on the power of the Holy Spirit." 1 Corinthians 2:4 NLT
"And pray for me, too. Ask God to give me the right words so I can boldly explain God's mysterious plan" Ephesians 6:19 NLT
A pastor friend recently shared his frustrations about writing his monthly newsletters. He said he feels like every three days he has to start another one. I totally "get" what he is saying too. How is it time again already for me to stress about the dern thing?! Oh, it's not that I don't like to write the silly things. I do (maybe I am over-thinking things again - I have been know to do it once or maybe even twice *extreme sarcasm*), but somehow they still scare me. I suppose that the fact that I am aiming to effectively communicate with such a large amount of people in a "formal" way (or at least a way that can be tracked and reread - which is assuming a lot - the newsletters may not be read at all! ha ha) is what shakes me up a bit. Lord, please help me to be a good steward for You!
So I have been stressing over this next newsletter a good bit. Here's my overly-thought-over reasoning (that I think I have written about already):
Hmmm. Where do I start? I guess I have to start at the beginning AGAIN... this past school year was life altering for our family. (Have you heard that little tidbit before?) Never before have I seem my kids work so hard (even Miriam frequently pulled 12 and 14 hour school days - mind you she was only 11 years old!) and struggle so much all the way through it. Being a parent is the hardest thing there is the universe, especially when you see your kids like I saw mine this past year.
So what does this have to do with the newsletter? I guess this is where my over-thinking comes in. In reality - not so much - but in my mind - if there is anything. A N Y T H I N G. in all of existence that I can do to keep my kids from another school year like this one I have to do it.
School starts in PNG on July 18. I want my kids to be there at the beginning. I think this will be the "easiest" transition for them. (If there is such a thing as a easy transition!) The June newsletter is sorta like my last shot at impacting our departure in any way, shape, or form. If I can effectively and boldly communicate our situation can I impact my children's life? Is any of this really within my power? I guess it isn't, but if I just sit back and let it go without effort what kind of a mother would I be?
It almost seems too much for me to think of my girls having to hurt through an entire year of school again. Wait. I take that back. Not almost. It does seem like too much. The thought of them falling behind again, and stressing and struggling through another year after just barely surviving this one. Really - the hurt is just too fresh. It was just last week, Wednesday to be exact, that Taylor finished her Algebra 2 final exam. And it's only Monday y'all.
I guess by now you think I am completely bonkers. I believe when I take the time to reread what I have written I will agree with your assessment as well. But know this, I love my kids. Passionately love them. With a love that I can't fathom. Just trying to process my thoughts as I write has my heart rate accelerated. Oh, how I want to keep them from a repeat of this year. I want to protect them and yet I feel so out of control of any of this.
Relinquishing this control of my babies' futures (that I never had) to my God is by far more difficult a task than I could ever imagine.
Please remember my momma-heart in your prayers. Whatever the outcome of my newsletter, our departure date, the new school year, and any and every other change that is to come - God is in control, and He loves us fearcely with an unfailing love.
My prayer for my newsletter is that:
"my message and my preaching were very plain. Rather than using clever and persuasive speeches, I relied only on the power of the Holy Spirit." 1 Corinthians 2:4 NLT
"And pray for me, too. Ask God to give me the right words so I can boldly explain God's mysterious plan" Ephesians 6:19 NLT
Praying for you guys. I'd love for you to be here before July 18!
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