just like David did.
"He knows that we too must sometimes face horrible times." Beth Moore
I realize that from the outside this life of mine looks easy. Maybe it is (I am living rent-free and have endless hours with my family). Maybe I am just messed up in the head... In fact this past year and a half has been by far the most rewarding time of my entire life. But. It has also been the most stressful as well. And since last July when we moved out of our home - each day has at some moment or another turned into a battle against sadness... I realize that we are far better off than so many, and I have nothing to complain for. And I hope that I don't come across as a complainer... God is good. His timing is perfect. His plan is perfection...
I am just hurting today and so I write. I write mostly for a record for my own self of what God is accomplishing in me. Today is one of those posts I will look back on and praise God for the constant comfort that He gives. I am living under His grace and mercy. Real talk. Face to face with it. Every day.
So why so glum today? Homesickness. Not for #8 (our old house). Nope. Homesick for my family unit. I feel smothered and like I can barely breathe today... I don't want to go back to that place, but I want to arrive at a place where the space that surrounds me is comfortable. Where I can feel like a family again. I feel beyond homesick today. Today I feel homeless. I don't belong here, and I don't know when I will not feel this way again.
So I sound hopeless, don't I? My solution? The Word.
My Bible study took me to Psalm 52 today (now David is writing this in response to Saul having a multitude of people slaughtered (85 of them priests) and then bragging about it, because David lied... read about it in 1 Samuel 22):
"Why do you boast about your crimes, great warrior?
Don’t you realize God’s justice continues forever?
All day long you plot destruction.
Your tongue cuts like a sharp razor;
you’re an expert at telling lies.
You love evil more than good
and lies more than truth.
Interlude
You love to destroy others with your words,
you liar!
But God will strike you down once and for all.
He will pull you from your home
and uproot you from the land of the living.
Interlude
The righteous will see it and be amazed.
They will laugh and say,
“Look what happens to mighty warriors
who do not trust in God.
They trust their wealth instead
and grow more and more bold in their wickedness.”
But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God.
I will always trust in God’s unfailing love.
I will praise you forever, O God,
for what you have done.
I will trust in your good name
in the presence of your faithful people"
Nothing like reading David praise God in his situation; honor God by saying he was "flourishing" (remember he was hiding out in cave with 400 disgruntled debtors!); and faithfully restating his trust to remind me that "He knows that we too must sometimes face horrible times." Beth Moore
David survived the guilt and pain of Saul's actions only because he cast himself to God and ran to the Word. I do the same. God is my only hope when I feel this overwhelming sense of homelessness/ homesickness, and I will praise Him and trust Him. Just like David did.
I realize that from the outside this life of mine looks easy. Maybe it is (I am living rent-free and have endless hours with my family). Maybe I am just messed up in the head... In fact this past year and a half has been by far the most rewarding time of my entire life. But. It has also been the most stressful as well. And since last July when we moved out of our home - each day has at some moment or another turned into a battle against sadness... I realize that we are far better off than so many, and I have nothing to complain for. And I hope that I don't come across as a complainer... God is good. His timing is perfect. His plan is perfection...
I am just hurting today and so I write. I write mostly for a record for my own self of what God is accomplishing in me. Today is one of those posts I will look back on and praise God for the constant comfort that He gives. I am living under His grace and mercy. Real talk. Face to face with it. Every day.
So why so glum today? Homesickness. Not for #8 (our old house). Nope. Homesick for my family unit. I feel smothered and like I can barely breathe today... I don't want to go back to that place, but I want to arrive at a place where the space that surrounds me is comfortable. Where I can feel like a family again. I feel beyond homesick today. Today I feel homeless. I don't belong here, and I don't know when I will not feel this way again.
So I sound hopeless, don't I? My solution? The Word.
My Bible study took me to Psalm 52 today (now David is writing this in response to Saul having a multitude of people slaughtered (85 of them priests) and then bragging about it, because David lied... read about it in 1 Samuel 22):
"Why do you boast about your crimes, great warrior?
Don’t you realize God’s justice continues forever?
All day long you plot destruction.
Your tongue cuts like a sharp razor;
you’re an expert at telling lies.
You love evil more than good
and lies more than truth.
Interlude
You love to destroy others with your words,
you liar!
But God will strike you down once and for all.
He will pull you from your home
and uproot you from the land of the living.
Interlude
The righteous will see it and be amazed.
They will laugh and say,
“Look what happens to mighty warriors
who do not trust in God.
They trust their wealth instead
and grow more and more bold in their wickedness.”
But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God.
I will always trust in God’s unfailing love.
I will praise you forever, O God,
for what you have done.
I will trust in your good name
in the presence of your faithful people"
Nothing like reading David praise God in his situation; honor God by saying he was "flourishing" (remember he was hiding out in cave with 400 disgruntled debtors!); and faithfully restating his trust to remind me that "He knows that we too must sometimes face horrible times." Beth Moore
David survived the guilt and pain of Saul's actions only because he cast himself to God and ran to the Word. I do the same. God is my only hope when I feel this overwhelming sense of homelessness/ homesickness, and I will praise Him and trust Him. Just like David did.
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