possible proof that I am not crazy
At least six months ago my pastor gave me the book Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot (written about her husband). If you don't know the story I implore you (yes, implore) to look Jim Elliot up. Basically he was one of the pioneer Bible translators that was killed during his efforts to reach the Auca tribe in the Amazonian jungles of Ecuador. But now I have already told you too much... :o)
So, my pastor gave me this book. He said that it really impacted him, and that it would be something fantastic for what our family was journeying through. The fact that Don gave me this book alone scared me a bit. See, you have to know Don to know how intelligent he is. He uses words that I have to go home and look up (if I can spell them correctly). LOL. So after a few days I tried to pick the book up, but was strangely intimidated by the actual book too. Jim Elliot was obviously an extremely intelligent man as well. After months and months though of avoiding the book, the Holy Spirit bugged me to pick it up, and so I did. And yes, the first half of the book was tough to follow... but now that I am into the parts that make more sense to what I am living through right now, I am struggling to put it down. I know that this is sort boring, but I want to just include some excerpts from the book. Mostly as a reference for myself to look back and read over at a later point in my life. And also as an encouragement to myself and others that may be struggling with God's timing and ways... If Jim Elliot experienced and struggled with exactly what I am experiencing and struggling with then by-gosh I may just not be going crazy after all.
This first bit comes from a time in Jim's life when he is waiting/ preparing for his time of service in Peru. From page 199:
"Frankly, things have been very difficult to go on with here. It is easy to wonder, as we have done dozens of time, just why God sent us here. We feel God must be testing us, for He has certainly given us no evidence, beyond His provision for our needs, of any special sort that this move was His will. But what can we do? Doubt, after praying, waiting, and weighing as well as one can and still leaning on the Spirit to move? No. We cannot doubt, but search our hearts to pray more and believe more... There has been no real work started here, and we only have this confidence: God sent us."
And this second bit from pages 206 and 207 when Jim is writing to Pete Fleming in regards to Pete joining him in Peru:
"I would certainly be glad if God persuaded you to go with me. But He must persuade you. How shall they preach except they be sent? If the Harvest-Chief does not move you, I hope you remain at home. There are too many walls to leap over not to be fully persuaded of God's will. All I can do is pray for a cleared path for you. The command is plain: you go into all the world and announce the Good News. It cannot be dispensationalized, typicalized, rationalized. It stands a clear command, possible of realization because of the Commander's following promise. To me, Ecuador is simply an avenue of obedience to the simple word of Christ. I have not the foggiest idea how or where God will lead you. Rest in this - it is His business to lead, command, impel, send, call, or whatever you want to call it. It is your business to obey, follow, move, respond, or what have you."
Maybe you can make sense of these two passages... maybe not. They were written in 1952, I do believe. But basically what I get is this. Jim is waiting on God's time in the first one and can't understand it, BUT he knows that God has sent him. This is exactly my heart's cry at this point in my life. The one and only certainty that I have is that God has called us and sent us to PNG. And that must be enough... it is all I have.
The second passage I understand like this. God must call our partners to send us. I can't do it. I can't convince anyone to give so that we can go. And this frustrates the be-jee-bees outta me. Yup, the be-jee-bees. By worldly standards I should be able to convince everyone to give up a couple dollars a month to impact people's lives, but it is so much more than convincing people. It is so much more than a dollar. Just as God has called us. He will call others. Some to go. Some to pray. And others to give. If they are not called... they won't partner. And none of this is within my power or capabilities. Somehow that should be freeing, but since I am still waiting... it isn't just yet. God's still working on me though. *sheepish grin*
Maybe since Jim Elliot, super missionary, dealt with these same issues I will survive them too. Maybe this is proof that I am not crazy. But:
"If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God." 2 Corinthians 5:13 NLT
So, my pastor gave me this book. He said that it really impacted him, and that it would be something fantastic for what our family was journeying through. The fact that Don gave me this book alone scared me a bit. See, you have to know Don to know how intelligent he is. He uses words that I have to go home and look up (if I can spell them correctly). LOL. So after a few days I tried to pick the book up, but was strangely intimidated by the actual book too. Jim Elliot was obviously an extremely intelligent man as well. After months and months though of avoiding the book, the Holy Spirit bugged me to pick it up, and so I did. And yes, the first half of the book was tough to follow... but now that I am into the parts that make more sense to what I am living through right now, I am struggling to put it down. I know that this is sort boring, but I want to just include some excerpts from the book. Mostly as a reference for myself to look back and read over at a later point in my life. And also as an encouragement to myself and others that may be struggling with God's timing and ways... If Jim Elliot experienced and struggled with exactly what I am experiencing and struggling with then by-gosh I may just not be going crazy after all.
This first bit comes from a time in Jim's life when he is waiting/ preparing for his time of service in Peru. From page 199:
"Frankly, things have been very difficult to go on with here. It is easy to wonder, as we have done dozens of time, just why God sent us here. We feel God must be testing us, for He has certainly given us no evidence, beyond His provision for our needs, of any special sort that this move was His will. But what can we do? Doubt, after praying, waiting, and weighing as well as one can and still leaning on the Spirit to move? No. We cannot doubt, but search our hearts to pray more and believe more... There has been no real work started here, and we only have this confidence: God sent us."
And this second bit from pages 206 and 207 when Jim is writing to Pete Fleming in regards to Pete joining him in Peru:
"I would certainly be glad if God persuaded you to go with me. But He must persuade you. How shall they preach except they be sent? If the Harvest-Chief does not move you, I hope you remain at home. There are too many walls to leap over not to be fully persuaded of God's will. All I can do is pray for a cleared path for you. The command is plain: you go into all the world and announce the Good News. It cannot be dispensationalized, typicalized, rationalized. It stands a clear command, possible of realization because of the Commander's following promise. To me, Ecuador is simply an avenue of obedience to the simple word of Christ. I have not the foggiest idea how or where God will lead you. Rest in this - it is His business to lead, command, impel, send, call, or whatever you want to call it. It is your business to obey, follow, move, respond, or what have you."
Maybe you can make sense of these two passages... maybe not. They were written in 1952, I do believe. But basically what I get is this. Jim is waiting on God's time in the first one and can't understand it, BUT he knows that God has sent him. This is exactly my heart's cry at this point in my life. The one and only certainty that I have is that God has called us and sent us to PNG. And that must be enough... it is all I have.
The second passage I understand like this. God must call our partners to send us. I can't do it. I can't convince anyone to give so that we can go. And this frustrates the be-jee-bees outta me. Yup, the be-jee-bees. By worldly standards I should be able to convince everyone to give up a couple dollars a month to impact people's lives, but it is so much more than convincing people. It is so much more than a dollar. Just as God has called us. He will call others. Some to go. Some to pray. And others to give. If they are not called... they won't partner. And none of this is within my power or capabilities. Somehow that should be freeing, but since I am still waiting... it isn't just yet. God's still working on me though. *sheepish grin*
Maybe since Jim Elliot, super missionary, dealt with these same issues I will survive them too. Maybe this is proof that I am not crazy. But:
"If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God." 2 Corinthians 5:13 NLT
Hey Sara, good words and good reminder to all of us. We can't do the convincing or the moving of the mountains - that is God's job. My job is to hang on to Him as tight as I can for the ride of my life. Yes, is scary at times.....it doesn't feel safe and people may even call it carzy. but it's the one thing we have to do. I'm praying with you today. - Heidi
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