"This Isn't Fair!"
"My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9 The Message
It seems that for more than not I feel completely zapped. You know that feeling that everything is more than it should be. That nothing is too much?
Last night I picked up a book that I have avoiding for about two or three months, Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. (Great book by the way. Nothing like trying to tackle my demon of weight along with all the other issues in my life. lol.) The chapter that really struck me as I was reading was "This Isn't Fair!". Let me just make a dirty little confession here. I struggle with a victim mentality. (I am so sure *sarcasm* that you never ever knew that.) My good side knows and lives out the promises of His Word. And oh how I wish that was the only side of me... but the truth is my good side is constantly battling against my ugly and sinful side. Why is this taking so long? What else do I need to learn to move on? Why do people reject the work that I am a part of? Why do people reject me? (I told you it was my ugly side.)
I am so exhausted of living outside of my normal. I am so tired of asking people to partner and feeling like my hand has been slapped (or more often simply ignored and hence devalued) after I extend the invitation to join our work. I am tired of feeling hurt and alone. I am whooped. I am so tired of feeling weak.
"I realized having a pity party was the clue I was relying on my own strength, not God's."
pg 102 of Made To Crave
"Weakness is hard, but doesn't have to mean defeat. Is is my opportunity to experience God's power firsthand."
pg 103 of Made To Crave
Needless to say, I am glad while I sat reading these pages in the gym of Bethesda Presbyterian Church while watching Taylor practice basketball last night that I was sitting alone. Crying is not something I do real well in public... let alone in a church gymnasium.
I am convinced that I will continue to struggle with this victim mentality. It seems to be my worst temptation to fall into this rut of "This Isn't Fair!". God's Word gives me my only hope. When I am completely powerless His power is available to me. There is no temptation that Jesus hasn't conquered. (Not even my self-pity.) When I am weak, He is strong.
I could never have dreamed (they might have been nightmares actually) what sorts of things that God would work through in my life while on this journey. I am definitely living out a life of grace as God's strength is certainly coming "into its own" in my life... I have never been weaker.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9 The Message
It seems that for more than not I feel completely zapped. You know that feeling that everything is more than it should be. That nothing is too much?
Last night I picked up a book that I have avoiding for about two or three months, Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. (Great book by the way. Nothing like trying to tackle my demon of weight along with all the other issues in my life. lol.) The chapter that really struck me as I was reading was "This Isn't Fair!". Let me just make a dirty little confession here. I struggle with a victim mentality. (I am so sure *sarcasm* that you never ever knew that.) My good side knows and lives out the promises of His Word. And oh how I wish that was the only side of me... but the truth is my good side is constantly battling against my ugly and sinful side. Why is this taking so long? What else do I need to learn to move on? Why do people reject the work that I am a part of? Why do people reject me? (I told you it was my ugly side.)
I am so exhausted of living outside of my normal. I am so tired of asking people to partner and feeling like my hand has been slapped (or more often simply ignored and hence devalued) after I extend the invitation to join our work. I am tired of feeling hurt and alone. I am whooped. I am so tired of feeling weak.
"I realized having a pity party was the clue I was relying on my own strength, not God's."
pg 102 of Made To Crave
"Weakness is hard, but doesn't have to mean defeat. Is is my opportunity to experience God's power firsthand."
pg 103 of Made To Crave
Needless to say, I am glad while I sat reading these pages in the gym of Bethesda Presbyterian Church while watching Taylor practice basketball last night that I was sitting alone. Crying is not something I do real well in public... let alone in a church gymnasium.
I am convinced that I will continue to struggle with this victim mentality. It seems to be my worst temptation to fall into this rut of "This Isn't Fair!". God's Word gives me my only hope. When I am completely powerless His power is available to me. There is no temptation that Jesus hasn't conquered. (Not even my self-pity.) When I am weak, He is strong.
I could never have dreamed (they might have been nightmares actually) what sorts of things that God would work through in my life while on this journey. I am definitely living out a life of grace as God's strength is certainly coming "into its own" in my life... I have never been weaker.
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