tested and approved
Ever known you need to accomplish something, but were completely clueless to how you were going to get it done?
Ever known you have a massive massive assignment that will impact the rest of your life and your children and your husband and your family and all your closest friends and people on the other side of the world that you may never ever meet for all of eternity!!!!! and be ready and rearing to go, but feel completely blocked off from even starting?
Writer's block, you ask?
Yeah. Sorta like that, but more. For now, writer's bock will have to suffice. I suppose that is the best explanation for what I am trying to get at though.
Now, that you have grasped this concept. Help me process some of the emotions that may tag along...
Ooooh ooooooh. Wait. I have a better explanation. What's your favorite food? Any cake lovers here? Imagine your favorite cake baking. You know, it fills the entire house with a sweet and delicious smell. A smell that you can almost taste. Then add this to the equation - you haven't had cake in ten years. (Talk about torture... this girl loves some birthday cake!!) Imagine this is the very first taste of your favorite flavored cake in more than a century... But as you sit and wait and smell and imagine and dream of that first bite you have JUST been stricken with lock-jaw (I am sure there is a correct term for this medical condition). Your mouth cannot physically open. That first piece of cake after years and years is baking in the oven and you won't be able to taste it. You can smell it, but you cannot eat it. How do you feel?
Grab those emotions. That writer's block or cake block and process them with me. Maybe you can imagine these?:
Excitement. And anticipation. Suddenly crushed by dread. Anxiousness. FRUSTRATION?!
Merriam Webster defines frustration it this way: "a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems and unfulfilled needs"
Hummmmm. Let's think on that together. Deep. Chronic. Insecurity. Dissatisfaction. Unresolved problems. Unfulfilled Needs.
Ouch.
At this point in our journey to serve in Papua New Guinea I have a strong tendency to feel frustrated. On a regular basis I battle with this emotion. In the heat of it all, I ask God a lot of pretty self-centered and down right lame and demanding not to mention -nasty- questions. And I won't list them here (though I am beginning to number them in my head... STOP it, Sara!). Sometimes I can begin to justify feeling frustrated too. Frustrated doesn't seem like such a bad thing, right? Until you look at what it really means.... Deep. Chronic. Insecurity. Dissatisfaction. Unresolved problems. Unfulfilled Needs.
Nothing in that said list says faith does it? Nothing in that list screams trust does it?
Maybe you really like me (I mean. You ARE reading this.) and you think that I am being too hard on myself?
After all, God is compassionate. His grace and mercy are what has carried us (and what carry you too) though each day. But, maybe we (that includes myself) have allowed grace to "trump" trust?
Maybe it is time that I stop watering down and making excuses for myself. Maybe it is time to get real. Again.
This journey has been insane. God has done work in my life that I never knew was possible. And I am only 1/6 of our family unit. What a wild ride.
Sometimes it seems that we are so close to leaving, and other times our departure seems to be an impossible feat that cannot be tackled. This all happens in my head within a 10 second interval!
It all boils down to this. No watering down allowed. My frustration is rooted in my desires (I want it my way!), and this journey is not about what I want. This journey is about my heart-felt and ever-growing passion to glorify God with every single aspect of my being -only- because I love Him.
So I have cut to the chase (in my brain). If I am frustrated - it is because I am not seeking Him enough. Plain and simple. Tested and approved too. Because when I pull my whining attitude away from me and place it in Him my frustration totally dissipates.
Whatever it takes, Lord. I am game. Do your will in my life. But please hurry if You want to. (<<Maybe that interval is more like five seconds.)
Ever known you have a massive massive assignment that will impact the rest of your life and your children and your husband and your family and all your closest friends and people on the other side of the world that you may never ever meet for all of eternity!!!!! and be ready and rearing to go, but feel completely blocked off from even starting?
Writer's block, you ask?
Yeah. Sorta like that, but more. For now, writer's bock will have to suffice. I suppose that is the best explanation for what I am trying to get at though.
Now, that you have grasped this concept. Help me process some of the emotions that may tag along...
Ooooh ooooooh. Wait. I have a better explanation. What's your favorite food? Any cake lovers here? Imagine your favorite cake baking. You know, it fills the entire house with a sweet and delicious smell. A smell that you can almost taste. Then add this to the equation - you haven't had cake in ten years. (Talk about torture... this girl loves some birthday cake!!) Imagine this is the very first taste of your favorite flavored cake in more than a century... But as you sit and wait and smell and imagine and dream of that first bite you have JUST been stricken with lock-jaw (I am sure there is a correct term for this medical condition). Your mouth cannot physically open. That first piece of cake after years and years is baking in the oven and you won't be able to taste it. You can smell it, but you cannot eat it. How do you feel?
Grab those emotions. That writer's block or cake block and process them with me. Maybe you can imagine these?:
Excitement. And anticipation. Suddenly crushed by dread. Anxiousness. FRUSTRATION?!
Merriam Webster defines frustration it this way: "a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems and unfulfilled needs"
Hummmmm. Let's think on that together. Deep. Chronic. Insecurity. Dissatisfaction. Unresolved problems. Unfulfilled Needs.
Ouch.
At this point in our journey to serve in Papua New Guinea I have a strong tendency to feel frustrated. On a regular basis I battle with this emotion. In the heat of it all, I ask God a lot of pretty self-centered and down right lame and demanding not to mention -nasty- questions. And I won't list them here (though I am beginning to number them in my head... STOP it, Sara!). Sometimes I can begin to justify feeling frustrated too. Frustrated doesn't seem like such a bad thing, right? Until you look at what it really means.... Deep. Chronic. Insecurity. Dissatisfaction. Unresolved problems. Unfulfilled Needs.
Nothing in that said list says faith does it? Nothing in that list screams trust does it?
Maybe you really like me (I mean. You ARE reading this.) and you think that I am being too hard on myself?
After all, God is compassionate. His grace and mercy are what has carried us (and what carry you too) though each day. But, maybe we (that includes myself) have allowed grace to "trump" trust?
Maybe it is time that I stop watering down and making excuses for myself. Maybe it is time to get real. Again.
This journey has been insane. God has done work in my life that I never knew was possible. And I am only 1/6 of our family unit. What a wild ride.
Sometimes it seems that we are so close to leaving, and other times our departure seems to be an impossible feat that cannot be tackled. This all happens in my head within a 10 second interval!
It all boils down to this. No watering down allowed. My frustration is rooted in my desires (I want it my way!), and this journey is not about what I want. This journey is about my heart-felt and ever-growing passion to glorify God with every single aspect of my being -only- because I love Him.
So I have cut to the chase (in my brain). If I am frustrated - it is because I am not seeking Him enough. Plain and simple. Tested and approved too. Because when I pull my whining attitude away from me and place it in Him my frustration totally dissipates.
Whatever it takes, Lord. I am game. Do your will in my life. But please hurry if You want to. (<<Maybe that interval is more like five seconds.)
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