struggling
I don't think that I really have the mind set to be writing tonight. I am really struggling. Struggling with my attitude. Struggling with my doubt. Struggling with everything. I would really like life to ease up a bit...
I think this all stems from my visit to the Billy Graham library today... in one of the presentations Billy explains how he jumped into evangelism full force. He tells about how one night he walks out to a tree stump, puts down his Bible, and prays to the Lord. He tells God that he believes that His Word is true... each and every part of it... and commits to live the remainder of his life by the Word... and so he did. Do I believe the promises? I say I do... but will I live it? Blind faith? Risk it all? Will I fail? Can I fail?
Why am I doubting? I know that His Word is true. (I sound a bit Hat-in-the-hat-ish.)
It seems that I want to be conditional with my belief. God I will believe you if I can provide for myself. God I will believe you if you will pay my mortgage and health insurance premiums. God I will believe you if you sell my house.
This next week of facing the reality that we can longer provide for ourselves (Marty's job is no more as of June 3rd - previous post...) will most possibly be the most difficult days of my entire life (as of yet)...
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed.
1 Peter 4:12-13
Seems that I should be able to deal with this... I mean come on. God "told me so". I should have known it was gonna happen like this to some stretch of the imagination. I suppose my weakness is in that I do not feel prepared... I thought this time would come later on and I would be more ready... LOL. I am just pleased He is...
The Lord your God is going ahead of you. He will fight for you, just as you saw Him do... you saw how the Lord your God cared for you all along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now He has brought you to this place.’
Deut 1:30-31
Another day has come and gone... but He has not changed. Maybe tomorrow will be easier... but I will continue to praise Him no matter what. He is in control. :)
I think this all stems from my visit to the Billy Graham library today... in one of the presentations Billy explains how he jumped into evangelism full force. He tells about how one night he walks out to a tree stump, puts down his Bible, and prays to the Lord. He tells God that he believes that His Word is true... each and every part of it... and commits to live the remainder of his life by the Word... and so he did. Do I believe the promises? I say I do... but will I live it? Blind faith? Risk it all? Will I fail? Can I fail?
Why am I doubting? I know that His Word is true. (I sound a bit Hat-in-the-hat-ish.)
It seems that I want to be conditional with my belief. God I will believe you if I can provide for myself. God I will believe you if you will pay my mortgage and health insurance premiums. God I will believe you if you sell my house.
This next week of facing the reality that we can longer provide for ourselves (Marty's job is no more as of June 3rd - previous post...) will most possibly be the most difficult days of my entire life (as of yet)...
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed.
1 Peter 4:12-13
Seems that I should be able to deal with this... I mean come on. God "told me so". I should have known it was gonna happen like this to some stretch of the imagination. I suppose my weakness is in that I do not feel prepared... I thought this time would come later on and I would be more ready... LOL. I am just pleased He is...
The Lord your God is going ahead of you. He will fight for you, just as you saw Him do... you saw how the Lord your God cared for you all along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now He has brought you to this place.’
Deut 1:30-31
Another day has come and gone... but He has not changed. Maybe tomorrow will be easier... but I will continue to praise Him no matter what. He is in control. :)
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