you probably shouldn't read this.

This post is how I feel today. Not real pretty. Not real hopeful. Not real graceful. Not nice. Not anything really good at all, but honest. Completely honest.

(I hope it helps you pray for me. It is the only reason I have chosen to post.)

I suppose I should write. I am documenting this "journey" for myself to look back on. I am just tired of writing the same things is all... or rather about the same emotions. I pray for a change not only in my circumstances, but also in my achy heart. I am not sure which is gonna take longer to happen. Both seem so very bleak.

I hate to be too honest with how I am feeling. But I think that I have beat around the bush for too long. So if you don't want to read this. Stop. If you think you might get your feelings hurt... don't say I didn't warn you.

I know what I am supposed to do. I am supposed to serve God through missions. I know that He will provide. Ultimately He is in control of everything. I am not mad at God, but I am starting to get a bit disgruntled and fed up with those who are supposed to be playing a part in what Marty and I are doing... Where are they? Why isn't Bible translation important enough for people to forget about vacations? conveniences? comforts? None of that stuff is going with us!!! What of those millions that are dying every year without His Word? What will we do to make a difference for them? I am so tired. So tired of playing nice and friendly. I just wanna tell everyone how it is...

I love sharing about our calling. I really do. It's the one time when I share about what God is doing through Bible translation and the Sara of it all just disappears... I love sharing with people and churches, but the pressure and the excitement peaks and then the disappointments come.

I am tired of being told "good luck."

I am tired of being told "have a nice trip."

I am tired of being patted on the shoulder and having people tell me that they don't know how I can do this thing...

I love sharing my passion about Bible translation, but my experience so far with the waiting that comes after... this part sucks. (I already told you not to read this...) I am tired. It drains me completely dry to share about what God is doing and have no one get it.

My prayers are changing... that God would lead me to the right people to talk to. Maybe all the times I keep trying to explain to others that don't get it are my fault. Maybe they aren't the right people... I wonder where the right people are??

Urgency has never played such a great part of my life before. We are do or die. This is it...