peace and faltering confidence
Be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you.
I will never abandon you.”
So we can say with confidence,
“The Lord is my helper,
so I will have no fear."
Hebrews 13:5-6
This is what the Lord brought to me first thing today... Have you read my last post?!
ok. Ok. OK. I get it.
Why must it be such a struggle for me to live in today? Deadlines and timelines do nothing for me except add anxiety. When will I be able to balance my excitement without feeling the pressure of the how, whens, and who's?
I feel frustrated to wake up this morning and already feel disappointed that today I will have to deal with the same battle of brain and heart. I believe the truths of the Scriptures I posted. He will never fail me. He will never abandon me. I know He is my helper. So why the hangup on the last line? Why do I still have anxiety? Here's the bottom line... my fear is that what I think I need is not the same as what God knows is best and is gonna give me. For example - I want to sell my house for a profit. Not because of greed but because it makes sense if the sales price is the same as my tax value... Here's another good one I play in my head - I want to be most effective. What am I accomplishing here in SC? Very very few here even respond to what I am telling them. How can I be effective in making people aware of the need for Bible translation when so many churches and individuals won't even give me the opportunity to share... I do not feel effective.
Why am I trying so hard and accomplishing so very little? Yup, here it comes - that dirty D-word... doubt. God promises in the Hebrews passage that I have confidence. Romans 12:12 says: "Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." See. There is that word again. Where is my confidence? I know He is able... why do I continue to struggle with doubt?
I am constantly feeling like I am not enough. Somehow I am not harnessing His power and strength... this is to bring Him glory. I am beginning to wonder if my vulnerability and weakness is what is bringing Him the most glory? In this broken state I feel I am good for nothing, yet He will use it for His good!!!
We must be on the very brink of something big. Really big. Because I do not know how much longer I can take the reality of where I am... how strong does He know I am?
True surrender hurts. The freedom is there too (but I felt it at the beginning more... when this whole deal was more talk than action). I would be much more at ease with a little less hurt and a lot more freedom.
So, all I can do for this day is to claim the confidence that is mine. Cling to Him. Guard my heart against the lies of the world and the devil. Move forward into another day of the same prayers that today brings a positive change to what seems to my heart to never have an end. AND lastly praise Him for His constant mercy and presence with my ever faltering achy heart... I praise my God who has given me peace in my impatience... I have full assurance in Him. So for now I also cling to this - His ever present and powerful peace. He is able!!
You are my strength; I wait for You to rescue me,
for You, O God, are my fortress.
In His unfailing love, my God will stand with me.
He will let me look down in triumph on all my enemies.
But as for me, I will sing about Your power.
Each morning I will sing with joy about Your unfailing love.
For You have been my refuge,
a place of safety when I am in distress.
O my Strength, to You I sing praises,
for You, O God, are my refuge,
the God who shows me unfailing love.
Psalm 59:9-10, 16-17
I will never abandon you.”
So we can say with confidence,
“The Lord is my helper,
so I will have no fear."
Hebrews 13:5-6
This is what the Lord brought to me first thing today... Have you read my last post?!
ok. Ok. OK. I get it.
Why must it be such a struggle for me to live in today? Deadlines and timelines do nothing for me except add anxiety. When will I be able to balance my excitement without feeling the pressure of the how, whens, and who's?
I feel frustrated to wake up this morning and already feel disappointed that today I will have to deal with the same battle of brain and heart. I believe the truths of the Scriptures I posted. He will never fail me. He will never abandon me. I know He is my helper. So why the hangup on the last line? Why do I still have anxiety? Here's the bottom line... my fear is that what I think I need is not the same as what God knows is best and is gonna give me. For example - I want to sell my house for a profit. Not because of greed but because it makes sense if the sales price is the same as my tax value... Here's another good one I play in my head - I want to be most effective. What am I accomplishing here in SC? Very very few here even respond to what I am telling them. How can I be effective in making people aware of the need for Bible translation when so many churches and individuals won't even give me the opportunity to share... I do not feel effective.
Why am I trying so hard and accomplishing so very little? Yup, here it comes - that dirty D-word... doubt. God promises in the Hebrews passage that I have confidence. Romans 12:12 says: "Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." See. There is that word again. Where is my confidence? I know He is able... why do I continue to struggle with doubt?
I am constantly feeling like I am not enough. Somehow I am not harnessing His power and strength... this is to bring Him glory. I am beginning to wonder if my vulnerability and weakness is what is bringing Him the most glory? In this broken state I feel I am good for nothing, yet He will use it for His good!!!
We must be on the very brink of something big. Really big. Because I do not know how much longer I can take the reality of where I am... how strong does He know I am?
True surrender hurts. The freedom is there too (but I felt it at the beginning more... when this whole deal was more talk than action). I would be much more at ease with a little less hurt and a lot more freedom.
So, all I can do for this day is to claim the confidence that is mine. Cling to Him. Guard my heart against the lies of the world and the devil. Move forward into another day of the same prayers that today brings a positive change to what seems to my heart to never have an end. AND lastly praise Him for His constant mercy and presence with my ever faltering achy heart... I praise my God who has given me peace in my impatience... I have full assurance in Him. So for now I also cling to this - His ever present and powerful peace. He is able!!
You are my strength; I wait for You to rescue me,
for You, O God, are my fortress.
In His unfailing love, my God will stand with me.
He will let me look down in triumph on all my enemies.
But as for me, I will sing about Your power.
Each morning I will sing with joy about Your unfailing love.
For You have been my refuge,
a place of safety when I am in distress.
O my Strength, to You I sing praises,
for You, O God, are my refuge,
the God who shows me unfailing love.
Psalm 59:9-10, 16-17
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